Interesting interview with Ethan Nichtern

Follow
this link

to read an interview with Ethan Nichtern who makes a well-reasoned case in the short space available that one needs to combine the spirituality of Buddhism with political and community activism. He has some meditation groups in NYC, so listen up, you New Yorkers! :)

What's up with the weird writing at the top of the blog, anyway?

This is Tibetan, and it spells out the mantra "OM MANI PEME HUNG." What that means is a bit complicated because the idea of a mantra is not widely understood in the west. The mantra itself is Sanskrit, the ancient religious and scholarly language of India, but it doesn't have a meaning in the same way a normal sentence does. Often one meditates using a mantra, repeating it over and over, sometimes with an accompanying visualization. The mantra is said to be imbued with deep spiritual power. It is associated with the bodhisattva of compassion Chenrezi, or as he is referred to in Sanskrit, Avalokiteshvara. When you chant it, so it is said, you will receive his blessing. One of my favorite visualizations with regard to this mantra, taught by Bokar Rinpoche, actualizes Chenrezi's promise to free all beings from their suffering. Each of the mantra's six syllables represents a different realm of existence in the world of cyclic existence, and as one chants the mantra, one imagines that all the sentient beings in each of those realms becomes liberated as you say each syllable. (The realms are the hell realms, where hellish experiences and misery dominates, the yidak realms, where unsatisfied desire dominates, the animal realm, where confusion and ignorance dominates, the human realm, which has a curious mixture of mental afflictions, the jealous gods realm, in which the sentient beings are jealous of others despite their paradisical surroundings, and the Gods realm, who are usually blissful, but suffer immensely when they realize the party's almost over.) There are other visualizations one can do as well. One could very simply meditate that one wishes to save all sentient beings from their suffering, or just concentrate on the sounds of the syllables as you say them. It is said that the syllables are Chenrezi (no equivocating by saying they merely represent him.) ), so that merely saying them without understanding or recognition has the power to liberate!

A.A. and religion

I may be a good spokesman for A.A. since my religious views are, at a surface level anyway, not particularly consonant with the Judeo-Christian preconceptions that inform much of the spiritual discussion in A.A. literature. First let me say that belief in a God is not a requirement for membership in A.A. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. The founders of the program were actually quite far advanced in their thinking when they decided the program shouldn't have any connection to any particular religion. To be fair, the program does mention God, and synonymously talks about a Spirit of the Universe, and also a Higher Power. But Bill Wilson makes clear that there are a wide variety of spiritual approaches, unique to each individual, not any one more correct than any other. He specifically references William James's book "Varieties of Spiritual Experience" in this regard. A.A. has no specific agenda to promote. It consists of people passing on the methods that worked for them to stay sober. The newcomer must then take these suggestions, use common sense, think about them, test them out, and apply what seems to fit in his or her life. One common suggestion which makes good sense to me is to find someone in the program who seems to have what you want. (Contentment, joyfulness? I guess that's up to you.) Then try to emulate them, and perhaps ask them to be your sponsor. (The term "sponsor" is a relic from the days when new members wouldn't be allowed into a group until someone (a sponsor) vouched for them. It's really a good thing that that tradition was scrapped decades ago.) A sponsor is kind of like a mentor. You can ask them for advice, and the good ones are willing to help you out in a moment of weakness. If you crave a drink, they can talk to you on the phone about it, or come over and hang with you until the urge abates.

Anyway, just a public service announcement in case anyone who thinks they might be an alcoholic is reading this. I'm happy to give more info to anyone who wants it!

A good A.A. video

There's a good
A.A. video here. I can really identify with the guy waking up miserable and retching into the toilet.

A.A. has really worked miracles for me, by the way. I know I'm an alcoholic, even though I never lost my job or had any gross external consequences. Internally, I was miserable and appalled at the way alcohol controlled my behavior. Many times I vowed to quit, many times successfully for a period of time, but I was never able to stay stopped. With the help of A.A. message and it members, I was able to finally do it. Achieve stable sobriety.

Cheers!

Two year birthday

Today is my 2 year birthday. Not a drop of alcohol in two years.

Good article

Slips and Human Nature

by William Duncan Silkworth, M.D.

The mystery of slips is not so deep as it may appear. While it does seem odd that an alcoholic, who has restored himself to a dignified place among his fellowmen and continues dry for years, should suddenly throw all his happiness overboard and find himself again in mortal peril of drowning in liquor, often the reason is simple.

People are inclined to say, "there is something peculiar about alcoholics. They seem to be well, yet at any moment they may turn back to their old ways. You can never be sure."

This is largely twaddle. The alcoholic is a sick person. Under the technique of Alcoholics Anonymous he gets well - that is to say, his disease is arrested. There is nothing unpredictable about him any more than there is anything weird about a person who has arrested diabetes.

Let's get it clear, once and for all, that alcoholics are human beings. Then we can safeguard ourselves intelligently against most slips.

In both professional and lay circles, there is a tendency to label everything that an alcoholic may do as "alcoholic behavior." The truth is, it is simple human nature.

It is very wrong to consider any of the personality traits observed in liquor addicts as peculiar to the alcoholic. Emotional and mental quirks are classified as symptoms of alcoholism merely because alcoholics have them, yet those same quirks can be found among non-alcoholics too. Actually they are symptoms of mankind!

Of course, the alcoholic himself tends to think of himself as different, somebody special, with unique tendencies and reactions. Many psychiatrists, doctors, and therapists carry the same idea to extremes in their analyses and treatment of alcoholics.

Sometimes they make a complicated mystery of a condition which is found in all human beings, whether they drink whiskey or buttermilk.

To be sure, alcoholism, like every other disease, does manifest itself in some unique ways. It does have a number of baffling peculiarities which differ from those of all other diseases.

At the same time, any of the symptoms and much of the behavior of alcoholism are closely paralleled and even duplicated in other diseases.

The slip is a relapse! It is a relapse that occurs after the alcoholic has stopped drinking and started on the A.A. program of recovery. Slips usually occur in the early states of the alcoholic's A.A. indoctrination, before he has had time to learn enough of the A.A. techniques and A.A. philosophy to give him a solid footing. But slips may also occur after an alcoholic has been a member of A.A. for many months or even several years, and it is in this kind, above all, that often finds a marked similarity between the alcoholic's behavior and that of "normal" victims of other diseases.

No one is startled by the fact that relapses are not uncommon among arrested tubercular patients. But here is a startling fact - the cause is often the same as the cause which leads to slips for the alcoholic.

It happens this way: When a tubercular patient recovers sufficiently to be released from the sanitarium, the doctor gives him careful instructions for the way he is to live when he gets home. He must get plenty of rest. He must drink plenty of milk. He must refrain from smoking. He must obey other stringent rules.

For the first several months, perhaps for several years, the patient follows directions. But as his strength increases and he feels fully recovered, he becomes slack. There may come the night when he decides he can stay up until ten o'clock. When he does this, nothing untoward happens. Soon he is disregarding the directions given him when he left the sanitarium. Eventually he has a relapse.

The same tragedy can be found in cardiac cases. After the heart attack, the patient is put on a strict rests schedule. Frightened, he naturally follows directions obediently for a long time. He, too, goes to bed early, avoids exercise such as walking upstairs, quits smoking, and leads a Spartan life. Eventually, though there comes a day, after he has been feeling good for months or several years, when he feels he has regained his strength, and has also recovered from his fright. If the elevator is out of repair one day, he walks up the three flights of stairs. Or he decides to go to a party - or do just a little smoking - or take a cocktail or two. If no serious aftereffects follow the first departure from the rigorous schedule prescribed, he may try it again, until he suffers a relapse.

In both cardiac and tubercular cases, the acts which led to the relapses were preceded by wrong thinking. The patient in each case rationalized himself out of a sense of his own perilous reality. He deliberately turned away from his knowledge of the fact that he had been the victim of a serious disease. He grew overconfident. He decided he didn't have to follow directions.

Now that is precisely what happens with the alcoholic - the arrested alcoholic, or the alcoholic in A.A. who has a slip. Obviously, he decides to take a drink again some time before he actually takes it. He starts thinking wrong before he actually embarks on the course that leads to a slip.

There is no reason to charge the slip to alcoholic behavior or a second heart attack to cardiac behavior. The alcoholic slip is not a symptom of a psychotic condition. There's nothing screwy about it at all. The patient simply didn't follow directions.

For the alcoholic, A.A. offers the directions. A vital factor, or ingredient of the preventive, especially for the alcoholic, is sustained emotion. The alcoholic who learns some of the techniques or the mechanics of A.A. but misses the philosophy or the spirit may get tired of following directions - not because he is alcoholic, but because he is human. Rules and regulations irk almost anyone, because they are restraining, prohibitive, negative. The philosophy of A.A. however, is positive and provides ample sustained emotion - a sustained desire to follow directions voluntarily.

In any event, the psychology of the alcoholic is not as different as some people try to make it. The disease has certain physical differences, yes, and the alcoholic has problems peculiar to him, perhaps, in that he has been put on the defensive and consequently has developed frustrations. But in many instances, there is no more reason to be talking about "the alcoholic mind" than there is to try to describe something called "the cardiac mind" or the "TB mind."

I think we'll help the alcoholic more if we can first recognize that he is primarily a human being - afflicted with human nature.

A dream

Every once in a while I have a lucid dream, a dream where conscious awareness is present. These are treasures for me, partly I suppose because they are a novel mental state, and I'm naturally curious about such things, but I think it's also because I think it is always good to become more aware and more conscious. Normally in the dream state and while sleeping, awareness is fettered, but in lucid dreams the chains are loosened. I had a lucid dream a while back where I suddenly found myself aware that I was dreaming, while driving a car. So, and this must be my mind's natural tendency, I decided I was going to control the dream and make something happen. I decided to make the car move straight up into the air. What actually happened was that the front end of the car moved slightly up in the air, the dream broke, and I woke up.

This morning I had another lucid dream of a similar character. While the dream was not lucid, I dreamt that I found a snake in my mala (string of prayer beads) which I thought was kind of neat, but when I went to remove it, I realized it was actually a giant earwig. So I went to brush the earwig away, and realized that there were three of them. When I went to brush them away, they started crawling and I realized each of them was also three smaller earwigs. Around this time, I had the insight "I'm probably dreaming right now." At this point, I was actually brushing away lots of dead insects from my text holder while sitting out on the front porch. I got rid of them all, which felt good, because it symbolized eliminating my negativities and obscurations, and true to form, decided to consciously do something in the dream. I thought that maybe I could see the Buddha, so I looked up into the sky, and I saw a roughly circular lighter area in the sky, which I though maybe was the Buddha, but not directly perceivable to me because of karmic obscurations. (Several stories like this appear in Buddhist texts, where Buddhas go unseen due to karmic obscuration.) But then the dream broke and I woke up.

I'd like to try to maintain the lucidity of such dreams longer than I have, and the idea seems to be that I shouldn't try to control the dream so much, but just enjoy the ride. These dreams occur so rarely for me that it's hard to practice having the right attitude. Ah well. I'm sure something will develop.

Taking Refuge

There is a ceremony which you go through when you become a Buddhist, called "Taking Refuge," and one repeats the refuge prayer often during one's continuing practice. But what does taking refuge mean? When one takes refuge, one is doing so in the so-called Three Jewels: Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. One is taking refuge as protection from the suffering of this world, and with the aspiration to eventually help all beings become enlightened. When I first heard about the concept of refuge, I found it difficult to understand and identify with. After all, how can the Buddha, who died 2600 years ago, offer me any protection? I've come to believe that, although the Buddha's body did in fact dissolve into its component elements, that the primordial mind of the Buddha, and of enlightened existence shines on, and pervades everything, particularly the layers of my own consciousness. Thus the Buddha is a real, solid support and source of protection. This past weekend I was at a retreat up in the mountains, and I had chosen to meditate outside on a back porch. As I meditated there, wrapped in a blanket at 6am, temperature below freezing, and gazing at the starry sky in front of me, I imagined the love and compassion of all the Buddhas surrounding me, offering me comfort and protection, just as the blanket offered me protection against the cold.

The Dharma is the living teaching of the Buddha, and is also a source of protection. It provides a means of progressing, of increasing our good deeds and reducing our negative actions. From personal experience, I can say that following the practices has helped to make me a kinder, gentler person. I'm certainly not anywhere near perfect, but I can see definite changes in the way I react to people and the way I react to my own emotions and thoughts.

Finally, the Sangha consists of those beings who have progressed further on the path to enlightenment than we have. If you think of the Buddha as the doctor, who prescribes us medicine, which is the Dharma, then one can think of the sangha as nurses and caregivers who help us take out medicine. In my own case, I've had the good fortune (i.e. karma) to come into contact with a wonderful practicing group in my hometown, and also to meet several teachers and Lamas, who, motivated by compassion, have helped to show me the way to progress.

By taking refuge, one recognizes that this world, driven by desire, hatred and ignorance, will not offer us lasting happiness, but that the Three Jewels offer us a true path to enlightenment.

I encourage you to take refuge. It has no risks, and even if you feel your commitment is not that strong, it will help to plant a seed.

Groundhog!

Saw this groundhog in our yard this morning. I've never seen one in the area before.

Lha Bap Du Chen

"Meanwhile, today (Thursday Nov 1) is Lha Bap Du Chen, the anniversary of the Buddha's descent from the gods' realm where he went to teach his mother. It's one of the most auspicious days in the Tibetan Buddhist calendar, and everything is magnified 10 million times. Good day to get in some extra practice! Or at least be as mindful as possible and refrain from harmful actions. (If you've had a bad day so far...just confess any harmful actions, and move on...)"

Sorry I didn't post this earlier. -Vacuous

My BDay Today

Hi all. Today's my birthday. I'm now 33 years old. Or is it 34? I'm pretty sure it's 33. Anyway, if you want to do something on my behalf for my birthday, how about rescuing some small animals? An easy thing to do would be to go to a bait or pet shop and buy some crickets and release them into the wild, or buy some bait fish and release them into a river. (Be sure you're matching the animal with an appropriate habitat. Don't release non-native fish species please!) The merit you accumulate from saving lives like this is vast, and it has the added benefit that you are training yourself to be kind to others.

Climate Catastrophe!?

Read this story. Scary, scary.

A poem

Orange and soft
Orangensaft
Idiom idiot idiolect idolatry izzitme
what am I trying to say,
scrawled
am I trying to stay sprawled
What is the difference between time and apes
Are apes like grapes, spherical, angelical, purple and perpendicular monstrosities of the idiolect idiot running water streaming careening and eating but I don't know why how them me you are we in this sentence together or what?
That's what I like a tense stream a careening tense stream a scream a word a feeling a new sentence into jail like that like house like me like you like the world spinning around a turd a turtle a tesseract a new amphibious encyclopedia spurning the vortex neutrinos nor eating the intense turgid meerkat like entities sprawled on the floor eating mice and singing aloud as though this were their last time on earth or perhaps the last time in the universe or the big crunch big bang bathsheeba beersheeba bear cat eat my hat no don't do that because it tastes like rat or maybe it doesn't these things are never clear to me though I pretend like the thoughts make sense careening sprawled on the dining room floor, naked as Alan Ginsburg Greenspan says though I am unsure of his intent, sprawled halfway between naked and illustrious and the words will flow a tense feeling in my heart but where did that go. Why is it gone? How come it's not there any more. It felt so good, but then I began editing the words. I began controlling the thoughts. I began channeling the flow, and gadzooks, it all petered... out...

The A.A. Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.



Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them.

-Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84

An op-ed that makes the point well

Op-ed: Know thine enemy

Four things to contemplate

1. We have a great and rare opportunity to do good in the world, to practice a spiritual path, and to uncover our true spontaneous wondrous nature. This opportunity is easily lost, however. It can be lost through death, which comes like a thief in the night, or simply through inaction and distraction. To appreciate the rarity of our opportunity, think about how many life forms there are on the planet. Almost none of them have the cognitive ability to follow a spiritual path, and many of them are relegated to vast suffering and hellish experiences. Think of all the poor lobsters boiled alive in pots. None of them has had the opportunity to practice that we have. Think of all the people in the world who don't have the freedom to practice as they wish. For example, people who must work all day without stop and people living in countries with brutal governments. From this perspective, the number of people who can practice a spiritual path are as rare as a star in daytime.


2. Everything is impermanent. That which comes together must dissolve. In fact, the only two certainties in life are that we will die, and that we don't know when. Since we know that our time is limited, what better time to start practicing a spiritual path than right now!

3. Virtuous actions leads to happiness whereas negative actions (for example the 7 deadly sins) leads to suffering. This is the principle of karma.

4. The objects and people of the world cannot be relied upon for lasting happiness. Thus, if we wish to find lasting happiness, we need to look elsewhere.

On Doubt (Sogyal Rinpoche)

Doubts demand from us a real skillfulness in dealing with them, and I notice how few people have any idea how to pursue doubts or to use them. Isn't it ironic that in a civilization that so worships the power of deflation and doubt, hardly anyone has the courage to deflate the claims of doubt itself, to do as one Hindu master said: turn the dogs of doubt on doubt itself, to unmask cynicism and to uncover the fear, despair, hopelessness, and tired conditioning it springs from? Then doubt would no longer be an obstacle, but a door to realization, and whenever doubt appeared in the mind, a seeker would welcome it as a means of going deeper into the truth.

Traveling again

I'm going up to Ithaca, New York next week to see the Dalai Lama, and after that I'm heading down to Kagyu Thubten Chöling Monastery for a two day retreat. It's going to be awesome. :)

Buddhism on YouTube!?

A musical rendition of the Heart Sutra. (Prajnaparamita Hrdaya)

A talk by Sogyal Rinpoche

A talk by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche.

A Quote by Shantideva

Whatever joy there is in this world
All comes from desiring others to be happy,
And whatever suffering there is in this world
All comes from desiring myself to be happy.

Autobigraphy in 5 chapters (Portia Nelson)

I came across the following poem, which struck a real chord with me, while reading The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche. (An amazing book, by the way.)


1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in...it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.

Bad dream

Last night, for the first time in about 10 years, I had a nightmare which woke me up and left me terrified. I'm not really sure why the dream occurred when it did. I was in a room, there were some alien greys on the stairs and bunch of people in the room. I felt no threat from these aliens, and I asked "Are these 'visitors?'" and the response was "no," although someone mentioned that "Jesus was a visitor." I got the distinct impression that "visitors" were a subset of the alien greys, a particularly powerful and dangerous subset. Then I dreamed I was in my bed, and I was being pulled up. I continuously recited the Buddhist refuge prayer as an antidote: "I take refuge in the Buddha, dharma and Sangha. By the virtuous merit that I collect, may I be attain Buddhahood, to benefit all sentient beings." My legs were being pulled upward, but my torso was staying in place. Then I dreamt I woke up, and I saw a tiny figure fleeing down the hall. I felt like I had the upper hand now, and I chased it. Then it became a rather menacing alien head which fell down the stairs where I chased it. I kicked it, and then picked it up, feeling like it was dead and defeated. I went outside, where there were some people in the parking lot. I showed them the alien head, and one of the people put it on top of her head as a joke. I began to get worried that it still had power, so I suggested we destroy it. I suggested we cut it up with scissors, but then I realized it had them under its control now, because they attacked me, although not in a particularly violent way. Then I woke up, terrified. Lying in my bed, I felt scared to open my eyes in case there was an alien there. As I was lying there, I came to the conclusion that this alien was an actual creature, perhaps not corporeal, with whom I had some kind of karmic debt. Like a good bodhisattva, I made the aspiration that the suffering I was experiencing be sufficient for all sentient beings. But then I became so frightened at that prospect, I started arguing with myself and part of my mind said "I was just joking." Anyway, it's pretty anticlimactic from there. I did eventually fall asleep.

The alien grey was always a very disturbing image to me, and I've had some nightmares before involving them, though as I mentioned this was many years ago. When I was really young, I had a dream about a giant glowing skeleton which scared me in exactly the same way. I think this skeleton and the grey are the same archetype in my unconscious mind. As for the question of why? What does it mean? What does the grey represent? I don't really know. It's a very powerful symbol in my mind, and I have some guesses, but I don't really know. Before I went to bed, I had been thinking about this alien symbol (not frightened at all) and I was wondering why I had found it so disturbing in the past. I thought it was something I could ask Lama Norlha Rinpoche. Then, lo and behold, I had a dream about it. Makes you think.

Meditation methods

There are many, many types of meditation. One major distinction is between calm, abiding meditation ( shinay or shamatha), and analytic meditation ( vipassana or insight meditation). Once one practices shinay for a while, one's mind is clear and stable enough to engage in insight meditation. The root is shinay, and I'd like to describe a few basic shinay techniques for the possible benefit of my readers.

The first type is called shinay with a focus. First sit in meditation posture if you can, or sit in a chair with your back upright and straight otherwise. You can have your hands rest on your knees, or in your lap, often with the right hand cradled in the left. Choose an object of your focus. For example, it can be a candle flame or a sacred image. Now keep your attention loosely on that object. Whenever you find your mind has wandered, bring it gently back to the object. Although this seems easy, it's not, because the mind very easily wanders away. The meditation trains us to be mindful. Whenever we notice our focus has been lost, we give our mind something concrete to do: bring it back to the focus. Do this or some form of shinay for at least 20 minutes a day. If you just do it sporadically, it will help on the day you do it, but will have no lasting effect. It would be like attempting to boil water by turning the burner on for a few minutes every few days.

The second type of meditation is called shinay without a focus. Sit in meditation posture as before, the only difference being that your eyes are half-open (as opposed to fully open.) They can be closed if you want. Now the idea is to let your mind rest in emptiness without conceptualization. Whenever you notice that you are thinking, let go of the thoughts and bring the mind back to a state of emptiness. This meditation also trains the mind in minfdulness, it trains us to be aware of our thoughts. When we see that we have a thought, that's the important point. Then we let it go, don't follow after it, don't let it carry us away in a dense conceptual web. Just let it go and repeat. Although experienced meditators can let their minds rest without distraction in a natural state of empty awareness for hours and days, beginners like us will find that thought arise almost continuously. Over time the gaps between thoughts will lengthen, however.

The third type of meditation lies somewhere in between the first two. Here you focus on the breath. Whenever your attention wanders, and you notice it has wandered, you gently bring it back to the breath. You can count breaths, say up to 10, and keep repeating. You can also internally say the mantra OM AH HUNG synchronized with the breath, so that when you breathe in you think "OM", when you pause ever-so-slightly before breathing out you think "AH" and when you breathe out you think "HUNG." One of my favorite meditations is to combine this focus on the breath with a meditation on compassion (bodhicitta). When you breathe in, imagine that all the afflictions and suffering of sentient beings are drawn in to your nose in the form of black smoke. It collects at you heart center, where it is transformed into white light, which you then breathe out, purifying all sentient beings of their sufferings.

I am grateful to Lama Norlha Rinpoche for teaching me these methods, and giving me permission to teach them to others. If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask.

Codex Seraphinianus

I found out about this amazing book, Codex Seraphinianus, while reading a collection of articles by Douglas Hofstadter. It purports (or does it?) to be an encyclopedia of another civilization or world, written in another language that is indecipherable to us. Most of the images are delightful containing all sorts of playful modifications of form from what we're used. Hofstadter compares it to music. I've included some of my favorite pictures here although I would definitely recommend finding it and looking at it yourself. When one browses the internet, the standard refrain is that large university libraries have it, and indeed, that's where I got my copy.

The first image is from the "botany" chapter. Who says plants have to be connected, or only have one root? The second image is from the "physics" chapter indicating a contraption for some physical experiment that presumably makes sense in their physics. The third image is really funny is all I have to say, and so is the fourth, an entry on one of the various tribes that inhabit this other world.

More philosophy of mind

Beckett, in a comment below, asks: "What if it is true that our rational decision-making thought process is actually a fantasy ; a running commentary to justify decisions already made (a concept supported by some evidence, according to a NY Times article)."

I think this is probably largely true. The way I see it at the moment, the decision making process occurs largely unconsciously, as does the thought generating process. But, who is coming up with that running commentary, and more to the point in my mind, who is experiencing the running commentary? As far as I see, it is our awareness that experiences the results of our unconscious thought processes. However, I don't think that our actions are completely determined by our unconscious mind in this way. What would the point be of our awareness if it were powerless? I think that we can affect the way our unconscious mind works through our awareness, but it is subtle and it takes time.

Mount Timpanogos Photos Part 3

First photo: Emerald Lake, fed by a year-round snow field.
Second photo: Tibetan prayer flags someone had hung on the little structure at the peak. Very cool!
Third and Fourth Photos: A lone mountain goat that was wandering around very close to the summit.

Mount Timpanogos Photos Part 2

The first image captures some mountain goats high on a rock wall. The third photo is a view of the top.

Click on pics for more resolution.

Mount Timpanogos Photos Part 1

I hiked to the top of Mt. Timpanogos about an hour south of Salt Lake. It's definitely among the top hikes I've ever been on, if not the top one. It ranks among the hikes I've done in the high Sierra in California.

Be sure to click on the photos for a larger view.

Salt Lake City

I took a little (1.5 hour) hike from my hotel room up the side of an adjacent foothill this morning. It was hot, but the air is so dry that it didn't feel too bad, especially with a hat. The temperature is actually about the same (95 degrees) as back home, but it feels infinitely better here. I snapped this picture when I reached the highest point I could get to in time. I had a talk to present at 1pm, so I didn't have the luxury of climbing all day, even though it looked like I was about 20 minutes from the peak. Alas. The surrounding countryside is stunningly beautiful.

If you lived in Nebraska, you'd see this all the time!

On the road I'll be

I'll be leaving tomorrow for Salt Lake City, where I'm attending a conference. I've decided to drive because I love to see the countryside change as you move further west. It's about 1800 miles from here, which I plan on doing in two and a half days. The conference itself is three days long, so there'll be more driving than conferencing, but that's okay. While in Utah, I hope to get a bit of hiking done. I'm bringing my trusty camera with me so hopefully I'll get some good pictures. See y'all later!

Hofstadter versus Searle on the mind

I read I am a Strange Loop by Douglas Hofstadter several weeks ago, and it contains an extremely good explanation of something called Gödel's Incompleteness Theorem. This is a result in the foundations of mathematics that says, essentially, that there are true mathematical facts that cannot be proven. The heart of the proof is a method for reading a second encoded meaning into arithmetical statements, one which is consistent with the axioms of arithmetic, but which actually means something else to us. (Similar to the way a string of zeroes and ones underlies the entire operation of your computer, and yet you are reading a different meaning into it.) Hofstadter then points out that this is the way consciousness works. There's the laws of physics which underlie the operation of our brain (kind of like the zeroes and ones), but then there's our conscious experience which arises from symbols interacting at a higher level.

So far, I have to say "Right on!" However, here's where things get sticky. Hofstadter argues that once you have a set of symbols in whatever substrate, the human brain, a computer (not too hard to imagine) or anywhere else (hmm), which is sufficiently complicated then there lies consciousness. John Searle argues against that point of view. He says that computers will never be conscious, even if they act like it, because they won't understand what they're doing. He doesn't explain what makes humans different, though.

I personally believe that the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I don't see any reason why computers can't be conscious. Maybe they can, maybe they can't. There definitely seems to be something special about conscious awareness. But here's a question. Could I act like myself, going about my usual daily activities, in the same way I always do, with my conscious awareness shut off? When I phrase it that way, it seems more intuitive that I could not, and that actual conscious awareness is concomitant with behavior of a certain kind.

If a computer were made that acted conscious, would we ever be able to know that it is conscious? It seems unlikely that that could ever be settled scientifically.

And what about the Buddhist perspective? After all, in Buddhism we seek to understand the nature of mind. Well, I don't see any reason why, within the Buddhist framework, computers can't be conscious. There are all types of sentient beings, in all different types of states. (In fact, in one of the hell realms, mention is made of metallic beings.) But, just because I don't see a reason why not, doesn't mean I see a reason why. :)

And now, I must go eat lunch...

One last poem, for now, from the vault

A conversation between the ears of God


Stick your Euclidean prick
Where a conversational vortex
Glimmers and shines
Sparkles and whines
Stick your Euclidean prick where
"Dad's (famous) shorthand" system
Mirror of self
Lurks like a beast ready to spring
Lurks like a metaphor wrapped in cliché
Lurks like a recursion beyond order 2
(Hofstadter thinks like this.)
And that's why rhythm should be preserved
For if it breaks
It will lead to a pantheon of apathy (weak: antiphony)
Clutching a bottle I contemplate (...)
Hidden fear of alcoholism just like Daddy G.
Gee: it's great I meant to say grand
Poetry requires honesty, the "one true (garbled) thought."
Imagine zin is zang and yang is zid.
That was a self-quotation, almost.
Appending I must append, tinker and fix
Separate sentences are required
For each prisoner
of language
Beginning a line with prep
Oh. sition. What? That's pretty damn stupid
If you ask me.

Another poem from the vault

Hills in the desert
Staring at the plains
Cacti, ocotillos, sagebrush, creosote, pinyon, nolinas and juniper
Horned lizard, bighorn sheep, fox, lynx, coyote
In the end there is always a reference to sex
A pass, a lookout, a drop-off into a canyon
My family is with me
My mom is about to be diagnosed with MS
I am free in my own world
I am jubilant
I am crazy
I am struggling to connect with another
I see the clouds spilling and breaking over the mountains
and am awed by their beauty
I am composing songs in my head
I am composing elaborate constructions to show enough primes exist
I am getting impaled by cacti
I am a balloon losing contact with the earth, floating away free

A poem from the vault

I must have composed this when I was in grad school:


One must pay attention to form
words.
One must be alert to detect
subtlety.

Two lie together and share
a biological moment
and bask.

One, two
One, two
and through and through
the vorpal blade goes snicker-snack.

One must pay
attention!
To form words one must be
alert!
Two detect subtlety.

On a less serious note

I went to see the Simpsons Movie today. I got a free ticket when I purchased the season 8 DVDs. It was definitely worth it. Very funny. I also got to see some interesting trailers. (By the way, "trailers" seems like a misnomer since they don't trail behind the movie but actually precede it. Perhaps they should be called trawlers as they are trawling for viewers. But I digress.) One was for a movie in the Resident Evil series, which I know nothing about, but involved a virus that turns almost all of humanity into zombies. (It wasn't specified whether they were flesh-eating.) I'll bet I would hate the movie, but seeing the sketch in the trawler was definitely interesting. I'm not really into the horror/scifi genre. I am however a huge fan of intelligent scifi and fantasy. This is almost universally absent among movies, although there are exceptions, but I have read a large number of really good science fiction and fantasy books. (Disclaimer: I have never read, nor do I plan to read, Harry Potter.) I read the Lord of the Rings trilogy when I was younger and absolutely loved the books, but I actually never read the last 30 pages because, subconsciously I think, I didn't want the books to end. I later reread the series, including the last 30 pages, in time to see the Peter Jackson epics. This positioned me uniquely to nitpick every deviation from the book. Something that really bothered me, but apparently no-one else, was the scene in the first movie where the troupe is attempting to cross the mountains through a dangerous pass. They are forced to turn back because the evil wizard Saruman is creating a storm to block the pass. All very well and good, except that in the book, it is the mountain itself, Caradhas, that turns them back. Gandalf uses the incident to explicitly caution against the view that there is only one enemy. In an age when George Bush says "You're either with us or against us," giving voice to a simplistic view of the world where things are divided neatly into two categories, good and evil, I thought that this parable of Tolkien's was very apt. Things are more complicated. Even though the mountain spirit had no stake in the war, no alliance with Saruman, it was being independently belligerent. That's the way things go. I therefore was very unhappy to see Jackson bulldoze over that nuance and recast the incident more toward the George Bush worldview. But in any event, I digress yet again.

An explanation

Soon after posting the previous poem, I heard from a couple of concerned family members wondering what the heck was going on. Basically the poem is a combined lament, using artistic license, arising from two events in my life. Currently my wife is working in Cambridge, Mass, and has been for many weeks. She's coming back pretty soon but I nevertheless miss her. The other circumstance is that a good friend of mine, who was a sponsee of mine in the A.A. fellowship, has stopped coming to meetings and essentially broken off contact. All at once, the two people who I talked with the most, essentially my two best friends, have absented themselves. This gave rise to that poem, which I felt I needed to share. Still, I'm actually doing well, and I don't want anyone to worry about me. :)

A poem

She's gone.
It hurts.
No number of words will change that.
No amount of activity will remove that
From every thought.
I read in a stupid book that we grieve
Not for the ones lost
But for ourselves.
I read in a beautiful prayer
May all beings abide in equanimity
Free from attachment and aversion
That hold some close and others distant.
I held her close and now she's distant.
She's gone.
It hurts.

Life is like a dream

According to my understanding of Buddhist philosophy, appearances are like a dream. But, if appearances are like a dream, why can't I simply crash my car into a tree, since after all, I would only be dreaming it? I think the answer is that, although appearances are illusory, my mind would not be able to carry that awareness through a car crash. My body would be shocked, and my mind would quickly become attached to confused appearances of the world. Moreover, as it is attached to the appearances of this world, it will also be subject to its laws of physics and karma. So I would die, and my mind would be reborn in a lower realm, as that is where the wind of karma would probably blow me, even though that karmic wind is actually an illusion. On the other hand, an enlightened master, when he or she dies, will be able to maintain their awareness through the death process and remain unattached to appearances. Of course, I'll bet most of my readers regard this worldview skeptically. :) A less controversial example of the same phenomenon is sleep. Most of us cannot maintain our awareness when we sleep. However, some people can lucidly dream. In fact, my Buddhist practice has increased my skill in this regard, though it is still rudimentary. Other people can witness their own deep sleep. They experience states where they are aware and present, watching their mind in the deepest phases of sleep. I read about this, and someone I know actually does this sometimes. An realized master, on the other hand, can maintain his or her awareness throughout their sleep.

Baby raccoon!!!

My neighbor just knocked on my door 20 minutes ago to tell me there was a baby raccoon in her backyard, which I went over and watched for several minutes, before doubling back to get my camera. It was determinedly eating bird seed the whole time.

Some pictures from my retreat

The first picture is of the stupa which is on the Monastery's land in Wappinger's Falls, NY. That's the Hudson River in the background. A stupa is a monument which represents the mind of the Buddha. Statues represent the Buddha's body, and dharma texts represent the Buddha's speech.

The second picture is of a turkey, a type of bird that I frequently saw roaming the monastery grounds.

I feel like I owe my small number of readers a fuller explanation of my experience on the retreat, which was incredibly profound, but I've been told that attempting to describe my experiences causes them to solidify into obstacles. So I guess I'll just leave it at that.

Fascinating Article

Here's a neat article about how the laws of physics may be intertwined with consciousness.

We are meant to be here

Culmination

The retreat is now basically over. I had a good experience and learned quite a bit. Now I have to face the real world. Some part of what I experienced here will no doubt stay with me as I slowly make progress. :)

Departing for Enlightenment

Hello, gentle readers. I'm leaving tomorrow for a trip around the northeast. I'll be visiting relatives and also participating in a 9-day retreat at Kagyu Thubten Choling monastery. I am very excited about it. It will be mostly silent, except for dedicated talk times, which will be a fascinating experience, I'm sure. The focus of the retreat is mahamudra, which, as far as I know now, prior to the retreat, is a system of deep meditation. As it is a retreat, there will be no contact with the outside world, and so needless to say, I won't be blogging during the retreat. So, I bid you adieu, for now.

More photos from the same hike

Rhododendron and Mountain Laurel. (so I've been told.)

Some Photos From Today's Hike

The top photo is a junco taking a short bath in a pool of water in the rock. Also got a couple great pictures of a deer munching some leaves. The squirrel was pretty neat too. Be sure to click on the images to see the large versions.

An oppurtunity

I'm passing on an oppurtunity to participate in the million mani project. If any of my readers wishes to participate, just say "Om mani padme hum" as many times as you care to. (Even once.) Then post the number you've recited (and the recitations can be silent) to the comments section, and I'll pass along the total numbers, so that we all may benefit! This mantra is the mantra of Chenrezi, the boddhisattva of compassion, and is the most popular mantra in Tibet. It embodies the aspiration to free all beings from suffering. The deadline is June 15.



Message from: Linda Jordan KSC-NH coordinator

Dear friends,

In an exciting development, KTC Monastery is sponsoring this year's
Saka Dawa million mani project. Several of the affiliated centers
have contacted us to let us know they are participating, and I am
hoping to hear from the others, either for our weekly progress update
or on June 15, when we tally up our total for the whole month.

Our tradition is to send a progress report each Sunday during Saka
Dawa. Students affiliated with a particular center will report their
numbers to that center, and the center will forward the total to us.
Students not affiliated with a center are welcome to email us
directly. We have every hope of being inundated with emails!

For details and background, please visit our website at
www.nhkagyu.org . In brief, everyone is encouraged to recite the
mantra of Chenrezi, om mani peme hung, as many times as possible
between now and the end of Saka Dawa, June 15. We will put all our
numbers together on June 15 and hope to reach a total of a million.
Mantras may be done as part of formal practice as well as during any
ordinary activity, with or without mindfulness. They may be counted
with traditional prayer beads, by timing your recitation (especially
useful when driving), or using any other method you can think of.

Mantra recitation is very beneficial at any time, but especially
during the holy month of Saka Dawa, when the effects of all our
actions are magnified, and our Dharma practice earns extra merit.

Each participant is said to earn the full merit of the entire
community recitation, no matter how large or small the individual
contribution. So even if you only have time to do a few mani's,
please don't be shy about reporting them.

We look forward to hearing from you.

"Let us trust the mantra, let us allow the body to attend to its work
and the mind to its reflections leading to result, but at the same
time let us recite the mantra om mani peme hung, without even being
attentive. We will purify many karmic veils and finally attain
awakening." Kalu Rinpoche teaching at Samye Ling, Scotland, 1983

"Perseverance will allow one to achieve supreme enlightenment."
--Ornament of Mahayana Sutra

Loch Ness

Loch Ness Article


Is this convincing? Not really, but fun to watch anyway!

Mother cardinal

A cool image of Jesus

I found this cool picture of Jesus done in the style of Tibetan thangkas. I can't attribute it properly since I found it on a cached webpage via a Google search. I couldn't find the image on the webpage itself.

I think it's important to be teachable and see the wisdom in all traditions. I found myself drifting into a bit of sectarian closed-mindedness the other day, while reading Thich Nhat Hanh, and being dismissive of it since he's a Zen Buddhist and not a Tibetan Buddhist. But the more I reflected on what he had to say, the more I found it to be true. Moreover, once I saw the truth of his words, it actually gave me a lot of peace, calm and equanimity.

In short, and somewhat subconsciously, after studying the four thoughts that turn the mind to the dharma, I came to the conclusion that all aspects of human experience are suffering. It was almost like I didn't give myself permission to enjoy things, because I "knew" that they were tainted by suffering. In fact, Buddha taught that pure experience is possible. It is possible to attain the cessation of suffering. Now I had known this, but phrased this way, it seemed to me that all of my experiences would be suffering up until the attainment of enlightenment, at which point the suffering would cease. Thich Nhat Hanh very simply said that everything is not suffering and asked the reader to please enjoy the sunset and other experiences. I think that pure experiences are possible for ordinary people, and that the closer we get to Buddhahood, the more we progress down the path, the more often those pure experiences will manifest.

An eye-opening article

I can't believe the following article. It boggles my mind.
Too much time online

Cardinal and grackle

Goldfinch!

I snapped these pictures in my backyard earlier today.

Cool article

This is a great article which I received in my inbox right after writing the previous post about science's relation to Buddhism.

Article

Mysterious Consciousness

[Forgive the sententious tone of the following post. I take myself too seriously sometimes.]

A sense of permanent unchanging entities is a deep subconscious bias that, I'm pretty sure, all humans have. There is an inherent idea that situations are stable, and when, through the natural force of impermanence, situations transform and dissolve, we often have a sense of regret and suffering. This occurs at all levels from trivial to profound. An alcoholic suffers from the idea that the alcoholic buzz is a state that can be perpetuated ad infinitum, and we suffer when a loved one dies because our concept of their perpetuity is shattered. So what is the root of this bias toward perceiving things as permanent and unchanging? According to one level, that's the whole origin of this world of samsara that we wander in. The mistaken perception of an unchanging "I" starts the whole thing in motion, and soon we are surrounded in a cloud of karmic illusion. Yet, on another level, there ought to be a more scientific explanation of why we have this strong sense of self. An appealing explanation a la Dawkins is that a sense of self is extremely useful when it comes to passing along genes. After all, we are the progeny of those who have successfully passed on their genes, implying those genes probably select for traits which best assist those genes in being passed along further. Thus, it's good to have a sense of self that one cherishes and defends, so that one's genes survive. So at one level, a deep and basic component of our behavior is simply a side effect of an iterative mathematical process.
I believe these two explanations are completely consistent myself, and I even think that the laws of physics themselves may be products of our karma. The universe appears a certain way to us as a function of our collective karma, and that includes the laws of physics. But why, if there is a more conventional explanation, should one believe the Buddhist explanation at all? To me the bare fact of our experienced consciousness is so mysterious that it cries out for something besides the conventional laws of physics. Also, the gene explanation, like any scientific explanation, only goes so far. The laws of deduction are inherently limited. A chain of implications is only a bridge between two unknowns, but doesn't tell you how to deduce the truth of the fundamental ingredients. Furthermore, the idea of elementary causation can only go so far. To say that one thing causes another is a huge simplification, since in any event a number of causes and conditions come in to play. It's more like the entire universe at any given moment is what causes the next moment, although even this is not right since quantum theory implies that physics is only deterministic at a probabilistic level. (And also, relativity says that there's no such thing as having one instant of time across the entire universe.) Thus scientific explanation is inherently limited, but still valid within its scope.

Tweaking my site

Hi all. As you can see I'm tweaking my site's design. I wanted something more soothing than the harsh white on black that I had previously. Since it will show up differently depending on your computer, please let me know about readability issues. Is this easier to read? More pleasant. Can I change anything to make it better? (Well obviously I can, but are there specific suggestions?)

A Comparison [Poem]

In the morning, I cling desperately to sleep,
but am propelled, against my will, into wakefulness.
Images of forceful separation manifesting in my dream.

When my time has come, I cling desperately to this life,
but am propelled, against my will, across the threshold,
into the unknown.

A spin of the prayer wheel

HO!
Mesmerised by the sheer variety of perceptions,
which are like the illusory reflections
of the moon in water,
Beings wander endlessly astray
in samsara's vicious cycle.
In order that they may find comfort and ease
in the all -pervading luminosity
of the true nature of their minds,
I generate the immeasurable love,
compassion, joy and equanimity
of the awakened mind,
the heart of bodhicitta.

nyingma buddhism - jikmé lingpa - 18th century

I spun the prayer wheel at worldprayers.org, and this prayer came up. I rather like it.

An old poem I wrote

I discovered this poem while cleaning out my desk. I wrote it while in grad school some years ago. In fact I discovered quite a few poems, even some early drafts of poems I had rewritten extensively. Anyway here it is. (I've refrained from editing it, even though I think it needs editing.


Twenty billion discoveries and dismissals of a single fact, discovered.
Though facts are like clouds, uncountable,
Are weakly collected in these words.
If you ask Why? many times the question can always be repeated.

We fly slower than light through time.
Our minds wade through increasing entropy.
Movie frames that increase in information.

They fly faster than light backward through our time.
Their energy is the impetus for our creation
As we are for their's.

Or: time sits in Time.
The universe begins and shoots backwards as well as forwards.
As soon at it was created, it always was.

Buddhism and Vegetarianism

I was asked the following question:

Why aren't those Tibetan Buddhists who eat meat concerned about the issue of participating in the death of a sentient being?

They are concerned, but the thought is that eating meat from an animal that has already been killed is not nearly as bad as killing it yourself. Thus it is strictly forbidden to kill an animal yourself, or to directly cause an animal to be killed. For example, by pointing to a lobster and asking that they cook it for you. Of course, by buying meat and supporting the system that continues to kill beings, you are accumulating negative karma. The practical reality is, though, that the amount that Buddhists are contributing to the maintenance of the current world system of food distribution is vanishingly small. If the situation were different, for example if a monk is trapped on an island with a small handful of other people, and the monk encourages the others to kill animals for him to eat, that would be a highly nonvirtuous act.

I asked Lama Inge this very question, and she said don't delude yourself into thinking that being a vegetarian is a pristine virtuous state. Consider all of the insects and other animals that are killed during farming, and consider the mistreatment of the farm workers, often in third world countries. Basically, we do what we can. If we are able to make a change to save the lives of some sentient beings, we do it, but if it is beyond our capability at this point, rather than throwing in the towel, we simply do our best. Many people have severe physical difficulties with vegetarianism. Not everybody's body is equipped to handle it. The Dalai Lama himself has been advised by his doctors that he has to eat some meat, otherwise he gets jaundice. What he said is that we should celebrate and have joy for those of us who can maintain a vegetarian diet. Think "Good for them! I'm glad they can do it!"

Personally, I try to be as vegetarian as possible, but am open to eating meat if circumstances merit. I recall a specific instance when I was visiting someone's house, and they offered me some food, I think it was chicken, and I ate it because I felt it was better to be polite and harmonious with the people around me. I don't feel that my eating it contributed in any substantial way to the harming of sentient beings since the animal was already dead.

My weekend with the Lamas

More lama dancing, including, one night, lama line dancing! I also snapped a shot of this bee fly which seemed very attracted to me as I was watching the festivities.

I took refuge again, this time with Lama Norlha Rinpoche. My dharma name is Dondrup Gawa, which means Joyfully Accomplishing Aims. That's a good name I think!

Lama Dancing

Here's a couple snapshots of today's lama dancing ceremony. These are traditional after three year retreats, and help to pacify negative karma attached to a region, as well as the negative karma of the participants and the observers. As Lama Norlha Rinpoche explains, the region where we live has a lot of residual negative karma left over from the civil war, and he wanted to help heal this by bringing this dancing ceremony to us. Very cool.

The KTC Retreatants

I snapped this picture of the retreatants chanting today. Lama Norlha Rinpoche is seated at the little wooden table.

The Lamas are Coming!

At the KTC monastery run by Lama Norlha Rinpoche in upstate NY, they have been having a series of three-year retreats. The sixth three year retreat has just opened up, and the graduating monastics are now touring various places, spreading the good karma. We're very blessed that they're visiting here. I was part of the party meeting them yesterday. They were driving an old tourbus, which had a faded picture of Marilyn Monroe or someone similar looking on the back of the bus. The bus was creeping along the highway, because the engine was not in good shape. Lama Norlha wanted to stop at a grocery store to buy supplies, so we led them to a Walmart Supercenter. (Not anyone's first choice, but the bus couldn't park elsewhere, and the monastics didn't seem to mind.) So then the bus pulled over, and a wide variety of monastics exited the bus. They were all wearing the gold and maroon robes, some were young, some were elderly. Most were caucasian, although there were a couple of chinese. Then this whole crew went into Walmart, grabbed a cart, and just started piling in all sorts of random things. It was really quite a site to see. People were surprisingly polite. Only a few people stared. As we were checking out, the check-out woman took a liking to us, telling us about how there was some cult in Kentucky that killed little children, but that she would set the other employees straight about us! Lama Jamdron pointed out that Buddhists don't like to kill bugs, do say nothing of murdering people! Anyway, they piled back in the bus and we led them up to the land where this week's festivities will be up in the mountains. Luckily the bus made it. I got to talking with several of the retreatants. They all have distinct personalities, but they're all very sweet and nice people.

An excerpt from the Diamond Cutter (Prajnaparamita) Sutra

As a lamp, a cataract, a star in space
an illusion, a dewdrop, a bubble
a dream, a cloud, a flash of lightning
view all created things like this.

-Shakyamuni Buddha

A friend of mine posted a poem on her blog that brought this to mind.

Of ants and disciples

I've been thinking, as I progress along the Buddhist path, about how I must have done something right in a former life to be in the spot I am today, and oh how wonderful I am for that. I was a student of my current lama in a previous life, my imagination has told me. I'm big and important, even if it's not obvious in this life, so the mental narrative goes. I have been building up this view for quite a while. Then, suddenly, I remembered a story about Kalu Rinpoche. Once when he was younger he blessed many ants. Then many years later, he realized that many of the students that had come to him were actually reincarnations of the ants he had blessed! How quaint, I was thinking, when I first heard the story, but I finally realized my story may be similar. I could have been an ant in a previous life which an infinitely kind person blessed. Not so much to be prideful about anymore, although there remains a lot to be grateful for. :)

Hiking photos

Here are some photos from today's hike. The trailhead is actually 3 hours away, so we drove there last night. I slept under the stars while my hiking partner slept in the car. The park is in a very remote area, and the light pollution was minimal. It was very cool. We saw several large hawks, but I wasn't able to snap their picture.

I had the following thought while hiking: "Every experience is a mixture of pleasure and pain."