A friend of mine was lamenting to me today that he doesn't expect to receive any Valentines this year. (This may sound strange, but it actually makes sense in context, although, out of privacy concerns, I won't reveal that context.) In any event, this brought back some major memories for me. When I was in grade school, I never got any Valentines either. One time, one kid's mother made her give valentines to everyone, but she ripped mine open before she gave it to me and scrawled "I hate you" across it. Ugh. I was never popular in grade school, and I never could understand why. My best guess is that the other students couldn't understand my motivations or behavior, which somehow alienated them, and caused them to lash out, in what they felt was retaliation. In fact, I notice that to this day. Sometimes I'll be talking, making what I feel to be very serious and interesting points, and the eyes of the person listening will start to glaze over and I'll get the impression that they find what I have to say tedious and boring. I know people who I find very hard to deal with, and when they talk it bores me to tears, but seeing myself in the same way some people see me is hard for me to internalize. I guess when you're dealing with the world, it's a fact that some people will like you and some people won't. Some people will like what you have to say, and others won't. The fact that some people find me boring is quite different from being universally reviled, which, coming full circle, is basically the way I felt in grade school. At the current stage of my life, I've migrated to a situation where I'm not the odd man out. I fit in very well in my profession, which is known for idiosyncrasy, and I fit in well in my sangha too, which again, consists of beautifully idiosyncratic people.
May all beings have happiness and the sources of happiness.
May they be free from suffering and the sources of suffering.
May they not be separated from the great happiness that is free from suffering.
May they dwell in equanimity, free from attachment, aggression, and prejudice.
2 comments:
I had my share of unpleasant social situations in school, though the I hate you incident is especially heartbreaking. Some of us love you.
Valentines in grade school are a brutal thing. Like the birthday parties that everyone except for a sad few get invited to, the social exclusion starts early.
I am glad you are idiosyncratic. It is a very valuable trait. People's eyes sometime glaze over when I talk, too. It's great that you notice, though. At that point, you can spare the pair of you any further. We don't all share the same passions. In fact, most of the things I feel passionately about would cause most people, including those I'm close to, to check out. Law, politics, social problems and spirituality are important and personal and people are usually disturbed to have to discuss them.
Thanks for the support!
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