I am human

I am glad you're posting now Beckett. Sorry about the defensive nature of some of my recent comments. I appreciate your honesty and I truly believe that honesty is necessary for real growth. I sometimes forget that and fail to be completely honest with myself and others in some situations. For example, I went to lunch with a couple of people yesterday and I felt like I was controlling my behavior for the sake of appearances. It didn't feel good then or afterwards. In fact, it left a kind of psychic stain on my consciousness. I didn't really realize it. I have been agitated this morning and I didn't really know why, until I wrote these words.

I understand your instinctive revulsion, Beckett, for the trappings of religion. Heck, I felt that way myself a few short months ago. I'm not trying to convert you to Tibetan Buddhism. You need to do what you have to do. If something I say can be of benefit to you in your practice, that's wonderful. If something doesn't feel right, don't use it. After all, that's what I do when I hear other people's ideas. I use what seems useful and leave aside what doesn't feel right. On the other hand, and I am pointedly not implying anything about your practice here, I have noticed that there is a kind of fear I have that I need to lean in to. That is, I'm afraid of something, such as going to the Buddhist group, and it is good for me to go, just to dissipate the fear. It helps me to be more open with life in general, to accept the good and the bad. it helps me to be more receptive to the world around me and the needs of others. It also makes life more interesting. By encountering situations I instinctively avoid, my life becomes richer.