Shame of sex? We can help!

I don't know whether you've gotten spam with this particular subject in your mailbox, but I certainly have. I'll come back to this subject in a bit. In my last post, I described a kind of unease that I was feeling, and, actually writing about it in the post, I realized that worrying about my worry was counterproductive. By the end of the post, I was feeling much better, and I went on to take a guilt-free nap later in the day. I went to an A.A. meeting that night, and I really felt a divine presence was there, and was speaking to me, with the basic point being that I need to pray for guidance. I pray a lot to help other people, but I realized that I never pray for guidance about what to do, how to help other people. I meditated that night for longer than I usually do, visualizing God as a kind of energy field permeating the space around me, thinking "God is good." "God is love." This felt really good. Somehow the key to the whole process was to let go of my worry about my worry. When I don't live up to my expectations, I very often upbraid myself and get angry with myself. This usually exacerbates the problem, one reason being that I don't fully acknowledge the problem. It's like "I feel bad, but feeling bad is bad, stop feeling bad! Let's think about something else." This will never get to the root of the problem. It's like perpetually turning around to avoid the elephant in the room. So, without guilt or anger, I gently acknowledge the problem, and this is a first step to healing.

So what about the title of this post? Well, an aspect of myself that I dislike is my propensity to immediately perceive women through a sexual filter. I automatically form a snap judgment of many women when I first meet them based on body shape and other things. And, I've noticed, I have a tendency to immediately upbraid myself for doing so. Considering how deeply ingrained this seems to be biologically, I don't think it's possible for me, in the short run, to stop perceiving women this way. However, constantly beating myself up about it isn't helping, and I think I just need to let go. Seeing my problem clearly without harsh judgment, I can more easily be aware of it and act around it. Basically, let my mind do its thing, but being aware of it, not let it cause me to act foolishly or hurtfully. This last Sunday during meditation at our Buddhist center, I actually began to resent two young women who were there for distracting me! After a while the thought occurred to me to stop worrying and let them distract me. At that point, somewhat paradoxically, I stopped being distracted.

The common thread here is that obsessing about things I perceive as problems actually creates a big problem itself, and that letting the perceived problem be is more effective than being angry that a problem exists.

Here is a revised version of a prayer I wrote a while ago, now incorporating a request for wisdom, which is what I was reminded I needed to ask for at the A.A. meeting a couple of nights ago,


Buddhas, bodhisattvas, enlightened beings in the ten directions,
God, Buddha nature, the Holy Spirit,
I ask for willingness, strength and wisdom
To remove those defects of character whose extinction
will be of maximal benefit to all sentient beings.
I take refuge in enlightened dharma teachings.
Obhects of refuge, abide with stability in my heart.

tayata gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi soha